You’re Fired!

Have you ever been fired from a job? Down-sized. Reduction-in-force. Last in/first out. Mis-managed office politics. Whistleblower. Thrown under the bus. Slept with your boss. Whatever the reason, fired is fired. And fired feels absolutely shitty. I think being fired feels worse than getting divorced. I have had the pleasure of experiencing both. They each involve rejection and shots of tequila, but at least when you get divorced your spouse provides a convenient target to blame. When you get fired, you usually aren’t sure which closed-door meetings culminated in the decision to shit-can you. Everyone is suspect and being paranoid is crazy-making. It’s also extraordinarily stressful. You feel like Loser Central. Persona non grata. You end up blaming yourself and fantasizing about karma coming full circle like a Tarantino movie.

I must say¬†the Soup Nazi approach to getting fired is not my favorite method. “No job for you!” It’s overkill unless you’ve been caught embezzling funds from off-shore dummy accounts you created. If that’s the case, then by all means, fire my sorry ass on the spot and escort me to my car via armed guard while my future ex-co-workers softly chant “Dead Man Walking”. If I’ve done something wrong, don’t even let me take the company fish with me like Jerry Maguire. But, for the love of mike, tell me why.

If I haven’t done anything wrong but you still want to fire me, can you at least try doing it without shredding my dignity while you take my livelihood? Really, the livelihood should be enough. I need my dignity to get a new job. So leave that alone. Have you heard the saying “Don’t kick a dog when he’s down”? It matters. It is possible to fire someone and have them leave as a human being. The Fired do not have to be treated like lepers and criminals.

I’ve fired people before. It totally sucked but it sucked far less than being the one who got fired. Click here for deleted scenes from Up In The Air showing people getting fired. As uncomfortable as it was firing people, I still went home when the factory horn sounded and slept that night knowing I could pay all my bills. People who fire other people who want sympathy for having a crummy day need to spend a day in a daycare with babies with ear infections and diarrhea.

I stand in awe of anyone who has never been fired. For those of us who have: Workers Unite! We are only as crappy as we let other people make us feel.

My hubby’s job was eliminated last week. Nuts.

5 thoughts on “You’re Fired!

  1. I don’t advocate getting fired; but, if it is to happen, may you be as lucky as I and get kicked in the nuts (or insert your bits here) on the same day as Jen. Good times will ensue for at least the next 8 to 10 hours. Also, see the “…mom, have you ever been to a club…” post. Yes, that too… xo

  2. I’m so sorry to hear. I’ve been fired, downsized, laid off. You name it. Somehow I made it thru and you guys will too. Right after some more tequila.

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