Matron of Honor 90’s style- Wedding 10

My older sister, Jana, asked me to be her Matron of Honor circa 1997? I was the only one in the wedding which was performed in my parents’ back yard so I got to wear what I wanted. I totally loved this dress. It was cut on the bias. Still trying to rock a perm. I rocked (the shit out Keep reading!

Always a 90’s Bridesmaid- Wedding 9

This 90’s bridesmaid dress, which I also still have, has actually fared the test of time the best out of all the dresses. One question: why such a wide lapel? I look like a fancy nurse from World War I. The poofy sleeves are just as poofy as the early nineties required, but Ann cleverly disguised that by going sheer.  Still Keep reading!

Always an 80’s Bridesmaid- Wedding 8

The 80’s bridesmaid on the left in the group wedding party photo, Vanessa, looks like she’s offering the groom some dangerous scissors she is mad that he’s not taking from her hand. TAKE THIS. I DON’T WANT TO HOLD IT. Stupid affable groom surrounded by enough shoulder padding to make a soft landing parachuting from a bi-plane. Leg of lamb Keep reading!

Repurposed Bridesmaid dress? Wedding 7

You did remember that I said I will have been in 14 weddings after May 12? I’ve still got pics yet to share, so if you’re bored with the bridesmaid series, check back in a week. Good thing I like my clavicle because it’s front and center in all these photos. I shortened this cake topper dress, which I still Keep reading!

Groom Mother Bridesmaid Dress- Wedding 6

For crying out loud, again with the crouching. I thought one only crouched with children and elder Americans? I didn’t know crouching was so popular at weddings or that I was propagating it so freely. Has it always been this way? Just say NO! to crouching. I could only stand so close to the bride on account of my bushy Keep reading!

Bridesmaid to Bride- Wedding 5

Here I am at my first wedding! That sounds so, I don’t know, like I’m a serial bride. There have only been the two. I graduated from Bridesmaid to Bride! Guess florists didn’t carry any flowers other than the stargazer lily back in the day. Not to dis on lilies, but not much variety in the early 90’s. At least Keep reading!

Always a Bridesmaid- Wedding 4

I still have this bridesmaid dress and there’s no way I can get into it without a body shoe horn and some crisco. Still always a bridesmaid, not a bride. I think this bridesmaid dress was full length but I cut it off at some point for a fancy party. I forgot Jen Hard adorned herself with that gynormous honkin’ Keep reading!

Always a Bridesmaid- Wedding 3

Always a Bridesmaid OMG! Enough with the tanning, already! I’m almost as dark as the wood paneling in the church. I hated this pastel sherbet bridesmaid dress, even in 1989. It was awful! The only thing I like about it is that Diane and I are both sporting like a 24 inch waist, as only early twenty-somethings can. We were Keep reading!

Always a Bridesmaid- Wedding 2

Michelle can correct me but I think this was 1989. Dye to match shoes are always a favorite and I totally look hot crouching in photos, especially when I’m a bridesmaid fondling a bride’s leg. We all look so natural holding lilies like beauty pageant contestants. I still have this teal-lovers dress with the enormous hip to hip bootie bow Keep reading!

Always a Bridesmaid: Bridesmaid Whore

It occurred to me that it is fashionable to hate Valentine’s Day. That makes me super fashionable today, because like the majority of you, I fucking hate Valentine’s Day. I then wondered who, exactly, liked Valentine’s Day. Children. Children are the only people who love Valentine’s Day. That is, they love it until they sprout pimples and start getting crushes on Keep reading!