Would I Make A Good Hooker?

This is how shit goes downhill.

I am considering renting out our house and asked several friends about signing up with a corporate housing service, university house finders, etc. In my email, I said, “It’s either rent my house or start hooking. Please save me from hooking.” Well, that got me thinking that I would probably make a terrible hooker. Then I realized I was being awfully hard on myself because I’m not really sure what qualities make a hooker a good hooker. Maybe I’m an awesome hooker in sheep’s clothing or something. Are there some good hooker role models I could emulate? I’m really bossy, which is probably counter-productive to having a good working relationship with my Pimp. On the plus side: I’m a people person and a natural people-pleaser. I have a long track record of suffering fools graciously. On the negative side: I look terrible in red lighting. I only throw out undergarments when they are thread-bare and the underwire on my bra juts into my armpit. Might have to update that shit. Of course if I could afford expensive lingerie then I probably wouldn’t be thinking about whether I’d make a good hooker. Also, I don’t think hookers are judged so much by their lingerie, as whether their thigh flab pours over their knee-high hooker boots.

make a good hooker

I googled “qualities of hookers” and stumbled upon a forum in which someone was seeking advice because they were considering hooking since “my parents won’t help me”. One reader offered these qualities of a hooker, which don’t illuminate what good hooker qualities might be: “flashy, attention-seeking, sneaky”. Hmmm. Is wearing unicorn-themed jewelry “flashy”? It doesn’t seem like unicorn bling would attract people to hook with me, but this is all unchartered territory. There are all sorts of kinky-ass fetishes out there. Attention-seeking? Does asking The Internet whether you’d make a good hooker qualify? Sneaky? No. I’m all out-there.

Then I realized that the person seeking advice was named “Brian”. Geez. I had to consider whether I’d make a good lesbian hooker. Again, I’m thinking I do not have the mettle to make a good lesbian hooker. In a way, I’m not sure it would matter whether you were tricking with men or women, as I assume my “Johns” or “Joannes” would all be equally unattractive and unappealing. I mean, I don’t know a lot, but I do think that you have to take the ugly, repulsive Johns/Joannes who have cash regardless of whether they have a boil on their cheek.

I dug a little further and it turns out that the reason Brian needs money is so he can afford a $10,000 hair transplant. I pondered if I would hook instead of wearing a wig. I realized I have more integrity than that. And that’s what separates me from Bald Brian.

 

 

 

3 thoughts on “Would I Make A Good Hooker?

  1. Renting out the house and living where? Because then you have rent and all the upkeep a landlord needs to do plus the mortgage and all the damages a tenant incurs. Hooking might be easier.

  2. Pingback: Protect My Boobs But Keep Your Laws Off My Guns! | Jennifer McCoy

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