The Truth about True Religion: Part One

I have one pair of jeans that don’t make me feel like a bloated toad while I work on getting back into several pairs of jeans purchased when I was a svelter version of myself. I have been wearing the one pair of jeans that currently fit practically every day for months waiting for this transformation to happen. Damn the luck but I busted the arse out of my only pair of jeans that fit! (thread bare from constant wear, not squeezed out!)These are the circumstances which led me, obviously victimized by retail marketing and advertising hysteria, straight into the True Religion store in the Galleria. I walked right up to Gay Chris, resplendent in his own pair of True Religion jeans, and announced that I needed his help to find a pair of jeans that “make my ass look delicious!”. He was clearly up to the task, tremendous customer service, and supplied me with dozens of potential denim love connections. A decision this important requires a committee, so we roped another clerk into the butt viewing. We settled upon the Becky jean and were in accord except that one pair was a little big and the smaller size a little snug. Chris swore that the smaller size was the only pair that met my delicious criteria and would “totally stretch out. Trust me.” Gay Chris, I implore you! I’ve been wearing the smaller jeans for hours now and my gut is totally hanging over the waist band! I had three pairs of perfectly great jeans in my closet that already made me feel like I was wearing sausage casing over my thighs! Now I have yet another pair of jeans to grow down to. Well, unless I just stand while wearing the jeans. Everything fits fine while posing! Grrrr! Gay Chris, if you are reading this, I’m still keeping the jeans and I only blame you slightly for my gut pooch.
This is a stunt butt. Don’t try this at home.

4 thoughts on “The Truth about True Religion: Part One

  1. Pingback: Mom, You Are Totally Embarrassing Me! - Jennifer McCoy

  2. Pingback: The Truth About True Religion: Part Deux - Jennifer McCoy

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