The Vagina Drawer

I Introduce You To The Vagina Drawer

I’m a self-realized chaos over-compensator. You won’t find that in the recently released DSM5. I made-up that diagnosis, but it sounds legit, right? Part perfectionism, part neat-freak, part genetic, part learned defense mechanism. The more chaos in my life, the cleaner my desk. I have this feeling that if I could just put everything in the place it belongs, the world would finally make sense. One chaos-inducing life event is moving, which I have very recently done. In reaction, I’ve been an organizing super-nova. Embracing that spirit, I decided to label the ridiculous amount of toiletry items I’ve already confessed to hoarding.

Sure, if I were so inclined, I could label them in an ordinary fashion. The soap could go in a plastic bin called “soap”, or some such. I could put the shampoo bottles in a box called “shampoo”, or I could go the hipster route and label the shampoos “lather”. I could stick toothpaste in an organizer aptly named “toothpaste”. Instead, I decided to group items according to the body part the toiletries service. I like labels that make you have to THINK. “What the hell would Jennifer put in a bin called “Head”?

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“Sinus” just hits the nail on the head, don’t you agree? Sinus rinse-check. Ocean saline spray-check. “Prescription Head” covers eye drops as well as sinus sprays.

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Yes, I have enough stuff related to “Lips” to merit its own organizer bin. Same goes with “Face”, but it’s mostly moisturizer.

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You already know about all my lotion fetish. Apparently, you can have enough. Ten bottles (of the same thing) is enough.

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When in doubt, the catchall “Head” is a certain crowd-pleaser. Get your mind out of the gutter. It’s for over-the-counter meds related to making your head not hurt.

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Though technically not a body part, “Wounds” are a distinct sub-category of “Skin” that merited its own drawer. There are a lot of wounds when you have a family of five, but I’m way more accident-prone than all the rest combined.

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Lots of action for Teeth. No body part has nearly as much attention as Teeth: Toothpaste, floss, toothbrushes, toothbrush holders. I’m crazy with stuff related to Teeth.

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Feet require deodorizers and pumice stones. Legs require shavers and shaving accoutrements.

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Nails need their own organizing bin for grooming items, blue nail polish, and remover.

And that, my friends, is how I came to own a “Vagina” drawer.

 

 

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