The Day of My Husband’s Vasectomy

The day of my husband’s vasectomy was a very special time.

Kevin was really excited about the procedure, and about literally sitting on ice for a while. Again, everything about it struck me as funny. Kevin? Not so much. I’ve never seen him more nervous in my entire life. Geez. You’d think someone was going to mess with his balls or something.

  • Insanely inappropriate music blasting in the first waiting room upon our arrival: “Play that funky music, White Boy” by Wild Cherry. Nothing gets me in the mood to have my husband’s balls in someone else’s hands quite like disco music. Having difficulty trying to peg the right audio vibe for the occasion though. It was certainly not Neil Diamond who showed up next. “Animals” by Nickelback? “Hypnotize” by Notorious B.I.G.? “Am I Inside” by Alice in Chains. Really, anything by Alice in Chains. Not sure that would have gone over very well with the exceedingly geriatric clientele in the joint (minus us, of course)
  • Actual quote from mildly overly perky nurse: “No one likes swollen balls.” Truer words were never spoken.
  • The doctor suggested an evening of sitting on frozen peas would be in order. We only had edamame. F*cking yuppies.

my husband's vasectomy

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