Thanksgiving Dysfunction: Take It Or Leave It?

Thanksgiving dysfunction. Thanksgiving is one of those holidays that doesn’t strike a strong chord with me. It is mostly uncontroversial. It’s like the Canada of holidays (though not Mayor Rob Ford Canada. He’s a country in and unto himself.) Thanksgiving is more like John Candy Canada: nothing too sensational, slightly out of the ordinary, occasionally amusing, with an accent I can understand. I like Thanksgiving because there isn’t as much expectation associated with it as with other holidays, and it’s main selling point is eating as much as possible without exploding like Mr. Creasote after eating a wafer-thin mint. That’s a holiday tradition I can get behind passing on to my children.

What is Thanksgiving?

To me, Thanksgiving is cooking, cleaning, mingling, dysfunction, gorging, carb-loading, roast turkey, watching television, playing with kids, napping, taking a walk, unbuttoning the top button of my pants, a little more dysfunction, probably some racist &/or sexist remarks you just have to swallow, mild hostility, pie, maybe some pie, and then later, pie. The only things you really have to avoid are politics and the salmon mousse. Certainly you can get in trouble with your opinions, but only if you go out of your way or are a narcissistic asshole.

Are you one of the sunny people that love the holidays or that person who spends every holiday alone with your can opener, whether by design or circumstance? I suppose there are also those that fall somewhere in between. Is it because of where you are in your life? If things are going well for you, does that compel you to join family and friends for Thanksgiving dinner? Or does your tolerance/appetite for family meet-ups have to do with whether you are an introvert or extrovert? Are your family members people you might hang out with anyway if you didn’t have to? Do you avoid everyone by watching football until your ass falls asleep or do you wash all the dishes by hand to get some alone time at the sink? Are your holidays filled with lots of family and children or is it more like a wake with only old people with coffee breath who bring jello salads and stale Russell Stover candies? Regardless of how it ends up, remember to behave yourself! We’re trying to make memories here, people!

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