Dear Lady in line for the bathroom at Winslow’s Home: Words cannot adequately express how grateful I am that you let me cut in front of you to use the toilet Saturday during lunch rush hour. Although I am certain you could hear the pain in my voice and couldn’t help notice me dancing around like I’d just been shot Keep reading!
Practical Graduation Presents Your Graduate Will Really Appreciate I dedicate this Post to two of my Special Grads this year: Hilary & Brooks. It’s that season again: GRADUATION! This time always fills me with nostalgia for my own graduations, of which I had three, not seven like these punks that “graduate” from pre-K or “graduate” from Middle School. I mean Keep reading!
Guess what, kids? Mom is not your servant! I can’t take it anymore! Clean clothes do not belong in the dirty clothes hamper just because it’s easier than putting them on hangers! I’m having nightmares that I’m sinking in a quicksand pit of laundry. Same with the clothes lining the bottom of your closet and stuffed under your bed! Untold Keep reading!
The other day, I yelled to a friend at elementary school kid drop-off, “Hey! Loser!” He objected to the characterization because he was wearing a nice suit and felt that “Sir Loser” was more befitting his stature. That got me thinking that I confronted a similar issue when I ordered kid’s pajamas from Boden, a British company. The website provided Keep reading!
Accident Prone Mother Impales Self in Head My husband and I attended the Justice For All Ball at Chase Park Plaza on Saturday night. Formal, with tuxes. We don’t do this sort of event often, or at all if we have to pay for it ourselves, but we had fun at it last year against all odds. About two hours before Keep reading!
It occurred to me that it is fashionable to hate Valentine’s Day. That makes me super fashionable today, because like the majority of you, I fucking hate Valentine’s Day. I then wondered who, exactly, liked Valentine’s Day. Children. Children are the only people who love Valentine’s Day. That is, they love it until they sprout pimples and start getting crushes on Keep reading!
So, I’m not in the mood to blog today so I’ll talk about other people’s blogs, which I have been researching of late. Wow! That almost sounded like I was employed for a minute. I’m sure it would not surprise you to know that people blog about ANY and EVERYTHING. One of the more interesting blogs I found was one Keep reading!
Gay Chris: You were right that my Becky True Religion jeans have stretched mildly over the course of the entire day I spent mostly sitting in front of my computer wearing my new jeans (with my sexy pooch hanging over) and taking shallow breaths. For that, I take back the hateful thoughts I recycled in my head about violation of the gay man/straight Keep reading!
I have one pair of jeans that don’t make me feel like a bloated toad while I work on getting back into several pairs of jeans purchased when I was a svelter version of myself. I have been wearing the one pair of jeans that currently fit practically every day for months waiting for this transformation to happen. Damn the Keep reading!
The day of my husband’s vasectomy was a very special time. Kevin was really excited about the procedure, and about literally sitting on ice for a while. Again, everything about it struck me as funny. Kevin? Not so much. I’ve never seen him more nervous in my entire life. Geez. You’d think someone was going to mess with his balls Keep reading!