I don’t know how I haven’t stumbled upon all the Children’s Vodka out there yet, but apparently I haven’t. I have, for the moment, rounded out all the places I frequent that sell liquor, so you will get a natural reprieve unless I start shopping differently.
I give you: Supercola Vodka. What is wrong with combining your coca-cola with vodka, exactly? I mean, other than ewwwwww. Have we gotten that lazy? It seems like a super-powered way to get super drunk as quickly as super possible without all that pesky cola diluting your drink.
Bubble flavored Vodka. Bubble: gum? Bubble: bath? Bubble: wrap? Hubba Bubba? Housing Bubble? Bubble Guppies? Bubble: tea? Air Bubble? Soap Bubble? Gas Bubble? Don’t burst my Bubble?
Too many unanswered questions. Vodka should be the answer to questions, not create them.
Chocolat Razberi Vodka? Okay, that looks like it would taste freakin’ awesome.
Consider Root Beer Vodka. Next they’ll be making beer flavored vodka. Or Cabernet flavored Vodka. Vodka has no shame or boundaries. I think root beer vodka is an excellent candidate for that liquor that you got so wasted on that one time that you couldn’t smell the liquor again without visions of that fateful night. It’s like the Jegermeister hangover in my twenties forever branded into my memory that night I got home after my newspaper was delivered. (Newspapers: how quaint.) Or that two-day Ouzo hangover I had sleeping on my friend’s sailboat. I can still feel that vicious boat swaying when I smell licorice.
Look at all that fruit bling on this bottle. I wonder how many servings of fruit you can count from Cherry Lemonade Vodka? Cherry serving. Lemon serving. Vodka serving. You’d be unhealthy not to drink it.
PB&J Vodka. I don’t even know what to say about this one, except how did Van Gogh decide upon PB&J flavored vodka when there are some serious contenders in the children’s favorites categories to choose from? When I wrote that sentence, I was going to list a bunch of kid-approved foods that they should make into vodka. Truth is stranger than fiction. I introduce:
(boiled shrimp, fried shrimp, grilled shrimp, lemon shrimp, shrimp kabobs, shrimp creole…)