2014 in review: it was absurd

Absurd & surprising describes 2014 in review for me 2014 Resolutions: some achieved, some re-purposed Consistent with my usual New Year’s goals last January, I thought that I’d find gainful employment in 2014, lose those seven pounds that forever torment me, become mentally healthier, become physically stronger, improve the lives of my kids, increase my happiness, discover the meaning of Keep reading!

My 2014 New Year’s Goals Won’t Resolve Themselves

2014 new year's goals

I like this time of year. It heralds in new beginnings, a blank slate, a fresh start. I like making goals, and I check-in periodically to gage where I am on fulfilling them. I usually reach some of my New Year’s goals for the year, or adjust them if they were unreasonable, like giving up guilt or cursing. Of course, Keep reading!

2013 Kinda Sucked: Admit It, You’re So Not Jealous of Me

2013 kinda sucked

To be honest, 2013 was kind of a boner. 2013 kinda sucked. I am a practical optimist, however, so here is my recap of 2013 and hope for a prosperous 2014: I DID meet my goal of not taking up smoking in 2013, since I didn’t smoke in the first place. Well done, me, for setting a goal I could Keep reading!

The Walking Dead Candy Scale

walking dead candy

As the parent of three trick-or-treating children, my household accumulates a banquet of candy on All Hallows’ Eve. We dump the bags of candied loot onto the living room floor and, for 10 minutes, binge on sweets until we are sugar-saturated land whales. After the pixie stik dust settles, I bag the candy and we nosh on what’s left for Keep reading!

Let’s Discontinue August

 Really. Let’s Discontinue August. The entire month. I realize I am not the first person to lament the month of August. It is tied with February, which should be further shortened, as my least favorite month. The reasons August is the unqualified empty toilet paper roll of the year are myriad. And since I don’t have to justify how I Keep reading!

Love Hate July 4th

Love Hate July 4th Mostly, I love the 4th of July. Celebrating my favorite country on the planet is great. Patriotism without Fox News shoving it down anyone’s free-thinking throat. I like the geeky patriotic sousa marches. It’s a fine country in which I’ve traveled to 48 of the 50 states allowed. Independence Day is not the only day we Keep reading!

Shit I Do Not Need For Mother’s Day Presents

Mother’s Day Presents I hate to make fun of my most favorite store on the planet, Anthropologie, but I’m starting to get the feeling they don’t understand the plight of the American worker. Case in point: these items for sale on their website that would make wonderful Mother’s Day gifts for your special mother. If your mother was a huge Keep reading!

Melted Snowman Succumbs To Elements

Melted Snowman Found Dead BREAKING NEWS: (St. Louis, MO) Snow Boy, Snow Girl Couple Declared Dead On a day when Christians remembered the resurrection of Jesus from his cave thingy, the fate of one local St. Louis snow couple was sealed forever when temperatures reached upwards of sixty degrees fahrenheit for several hours. “The sun just shone too brightly for them. Keep reading!

Outlook Poor For Melting Snow Couple

UPDATE ON MELTING SNOW COUPLE: (St. Louis, MO) Melting Snow Couple Gasping Last Breaths Concerned neighbors have been upset for the last few days hoping the melting snow couple in their neighbor’s yard will somehow pull through, despite warmer climates expected all this week. “At this point,” Neighbor Nelson advised, “the only thing that could save them (melting snow couple) was Keep reading!

Slow Death for Melting Snow Man Snow Woman

Outlook Poor for Melting Snow Man Snow Woman (St. Louis, MO) Friends and neighbors of murder victims, Miss America Snow Girl, and Pirate Cop Snow Boy, both age 1 week, were very upset that the melting snow man and snow woman remains of the four foot tall victims have not been properly disposed. “There isn’t snow on the ground hardly Keep reading!