Always a Bridesmaid: Bridesmaid Whore

It occurred to me that it is fashionable to hate Valentine’s Day. That makes me super fashionable today, because like the majority of you, I fucking hate Valentine’s Day. I then wondered who, exactly, liked Valentine’s Day. Children. Children are the only people who love Valentine’s Day. That is, they love it until they sprout pimples and start getting crushes on peers. As soon as the pimples form, all valentine hell breaks loose. This is how I came to the conclusion that Valentine’s Day is akin to acne. I vow to send Clearasil to all of you next year. Speaking of love, I forgot to mention that my BFF Sarah asked me to be the Matron of Honor in her wedding in May. A bridesmaid again! I’m a sucker for weddings. That got me thinking about how many weddings I’ve been in over the years. Including my own two weddings, I have been in more weddings than guys I’ve slept with. Fourteen. Get your mind out of the gutter. After Sarah’s nuptials in May I will have been in fourteen WEDDINGS. I’m not going to tell you how many people I’ve slept with. My MIL reads this blog!! Three of those occasions were for second weddings (my own included). Seven of those marriages are still enduring, so my wedding experience is right on with the national divorce statistics. Herein starts a series of posts showcasing me in weddings:
Circa 1987 with Diane. You can’t see my dress very well but you can see it better than those flowers we’re holding that look like they’ve been charred by a rogue unity candle. How could I not have noticed that before? What a shitty photographer! Guess I was too busy worrying about getting my hair permed again. I have waaaayyyyy too many photos of my hair looking like Frodo from Lord of the Rings. Shame on my friends for not setting me straight, literally. As in setting my hair straight. Tell a sister when she’s got spinach in her teeth already!

11 thoughts on “Always a Bridesmaid: Bridesmaid Whore

  1. Jen – I love this and I dislike Valentine’s Day as much as you! I tried counting the weddings I have been in (including my own – one) and I think I counted 13 ! Remarkably, every single couple is still married! So there you have it!
    I hate all my sister who let me walk around campus with a bad perm and a big fat bow in my hair! Where is the love?
    Arden
    Happy Valentine’s Day!

  2. I’ve always hated Valentine’s Day. It interferes with my birthday. Outside of hubby, the only person who ever remembered that the two were seperate holidays (yes, my birthday is a holiday as far as I am concerned. We were always on winter break) was my dad. He’d find corny cards. Actually hubby does too.

    I’ve been in exactly 2 weddings-both mine. Always the bride never the bridesmaid. Wonder what that says about me?

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