2013 Kinda Sucked: Admit It, You’re So Not Jealous of Me

To be honest, 2013 was kind of a boner. 2013 kinda sucked. I am a practical optimist, however, so here is my recap of 2013 and hope for a prosperous 2014:

  • I DID meet my goal of not taking up smoking in 2013, since I didn’t smoke in the first place. Well done, me, for setting a goal I could achieve!
  • I didn’t get any cancer this year, which is always a bonus.
  • Thank goodness I’m no where closer to fitting into the clothes in my closet than I was on January 1, 2013. Otherwise, I would have no plausible reason to buy new clothes I can’t afford.
  • We rented our house, which was a huge relief, albeit a bittersweet one. We are comfortably settled into our down-sized existence and it feels pretty good.
  • I’m still looking for a great job, but it is bound to turn up one of these days. Maybe I left it in the closet I keep meaning to clean out? Wouldn’t that be ironic!
  • I have a new year to figure out how to publish my book. Yes, that again. Still.
  • An employed McCoy is destined to be less elusive than a Big Foot sighting in 2014.
  • It’s a new year for me to figure out another creative way to drop my iPhone into a toilet. At least I have a warranty now. Why can’t they design one that can survive a four second dunk in swirling toilet water? Is that really too much to ask?
  • I traveled to San Francisco twice in 2013.
  • We nabbed five more states for my children’s United States travel goal, (New Mexico, Arizona, Nevada, and Utah) including the kidnapping adventure in October to California. Also, I didn’t lose track of any of my children in 2013 or leave anyone at a rest stop.
  • I’m still married, and have plans to continue to be married in 2014!
  • My kids are in good health. None are in juvie or threatening to get an ass tattoo. I don’t even know anyone in jail anymore.
  • Thigh gap still eludes me, but you know what? Fuck thigh gap!
  • My kids are fucking amazing and fun to be around.
  • I still can’t figure out how to style my hair after all this time. Seriously, someone send Clinton and Stacey.
  • I redesigned the blog in 2013 and increased blog traffic by the tens. Please, someone read me! Share me!
  • I now have as many twitter followers as my 77 YO mother would have if she were on Twitter. Kicking ass. Taking names. Please, someone follow me!
  • 2013 was a banner year for friendships, but I realized I have enough material to make an entire post about friendships, so that’s up next.

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