When is it okay to ask a woman if she’s had a boob job?

boob job

Dear Guy at the gym who asked me if I had a boob job: I’m barely awake. Did you really just ask me that? What? Why, yes, the carpet does match the drapes. I can’t believe I just answered that question. I guess I was so stunned that I rewarded your unbelievably rude question with a response that didn’t involve me There's More → Continue Reading

Baby love: I get to be an Aunt for a day!

Photobomb aplomb with perfectly positioned cucumber

Holy crap! I am so out of shape when it comes to babies! When you are in the zone of caring for infants, you develop a rhythm. Sleeping in three hour starts and fits becomes the thing you do. Your sleep-deprived brain adapts and thinks it’s totally normal to watch reality television in the middle of the night. I have There's More → Continue Reading

Bad Grammar: It’s always fun ’til someone gets hurt

bad grammar

Sometimes I use bad grammar. I can barely tolerate the shame. I put myself out there on The Internets, and The Internets have spoken. The Grammar Nazi has proclaimed, “NO SOUP FOR YOU!” Is it coincidence (or is it irony? I think it’s irony! I’m so paranoid to hit publish post I could scream!) that I have violated Weird Al There's More → Continue Reading

Autism Cure: I Couldn’t Care Less Why My Son Has Autism

cure autism

Autism Cure: What if there was an antidote? I have many friends whose children have autism. We find each other, like you ferret out the fun, snarky ones at the party who you end up talking to all night. We understand each other’s plight, even though each circumstance is unique. We’ve been on spectrum baseball teams together, hung out, hosted social There's More → Continue Reading

Should You Get a Tattoo In Your Forties?

tattoos

Why would anyone get a tattoo in their 40′s? The first reason that jumps to mind is that they aren’t dead yet. I’ve written about how I feel about age-appropriate behaviors before, so let me reiterate my point. I believe if you are bold enough, at any age, to dress up like a smurf and run between houses for candy There's More → Continue Reading

Tips For Surviving a Parental Visit

Surviving a parental visit tip: Don’t listen to me My parents visited recently. It is frequently a stress-laden event from which it takes me days to recover. They aren’t horrible people, nor, hopefully, am I a terrible daughter. We just don’t have much in common, which makes things like speaking and eating together challenging. That’s okay. They try to pack There's More → Continue Reading

What The Frack! Family Vacation

family vacation

What is wrong with my children? A few days after school ended my husband and I threw the three amigos in the car and took them on a whirlwind tour of some of the best fracking states in the continental United States. Okay, one best fracking state: North Dakota. What were we met with? Bovine stares. Duck faces. Eye rolling. There's More → Continue Reading

Cynic’s Guide To How To Be A Good Father

What Makes a Good Father? In trying to come up with an innovative approach to commemorate Father’s Day this year, I scoured the Internet for inspiration. The only thing doing so accomplished was to thoroughly depress me and incite me to riot. I am an equal opportunity offender when it comes to disliking both Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. I’ve There's More → Continue Reading

Blame Someone Else Day- First Friday the 13th Of the Year

blame someone else

I’m having a bad day and mostly, I just blame you. It is Blame Someone Else Day, after all. I blame you: because I forgot that the intersection I just blew through on a yellow light has photo enforcement. that I backed my car into a very, very large highly-visible tree. that my children fight with each other when we There's More → Continue Reading